What Your Office Kitchen Beverage Of Choice Says About You

Water: You like to keep it simple. You realize that most ailments throughout the day, such as headaches or fatigue, can usually be solved by re-hydrating. Either that, or you are very hungover this morning.

Seltzer: You’re a bit of a connoisseur of clear liquids. Regular old tap water is too bland for your refined palette. You can tell the difference between Polar and La Croix in a blind taste test. Also your stomach is a little upset because you are very hungover this morning.

Coffee: You’ve got things to do today and nothing is going to stop you from getting it all done! A little stimulant stimulation is what you’re craving this morning to tackle those reports! Also you stayed up late getting sloppy drunk and you are very hungover this morning.

Tea: Green tea? Black tea? Doesn’t matter! You act like you’re better than the coffee drinkers even though some teas have just as much, if not more, caffeine than coffee. Maybe get off your high horse, tea drinkers, you’re still very hungover this morning.

Soda Pop: You’re crazy! You’re wild! You spit in the face of danger! Yeah you know it’s bad for you but you live by your own rules! The world is going to hell and so should you! Coca Cola and 7-Up are your go-to mixers at night, and Ginger Ale is your go-to morning cure-all because you are very hungover this morning.

Muscle Milk: You care about your body and your physical fitness. You’re an alpha dog who’s not afraid to let the betas know who’s in charge. Also you feel oh so weak and could really use a thick paste of a drink to line your stomach because you are very hungover this morning.

Kombucha: You have no idea what this is or what it does, but someone told you once that it was magic and honestly you are willing to believe anything this morning because you are very hungover and need a miracle.

Beer: What? Get off my back! I’m very hungover this morning and need a little hair of the dog! No, I don’t have a drinking problem! I just work at a start up!

Kevin Froleiks is a New York based comedian. Follow him on twitter or check out his website to find out where he’s performing next. He co-hosts two podcasts, We Wrote A Musical and Defending The Doors. His comedy album, Jokes I Don’t Really Do Anymore, and the soundtrack to his musical, Great Frontier: A Poorly Researched Musical About Lewis And Clark, are both available on BandCamp.