I’m About To Write Some Bad Lyrics: Part 8— Cool Kids/Lame Kids

Track eight on my new album, Homemade Nonsense, is an ode to the childless by choice. I don’t hate kids, in fact, I like kids more than most adults. That said, I feel like having my own would ruin anything good about my life right now so I’m fine being a cool uncle to my nieces. I have friends with kids and it always seems to be the ones with real nightmare spawn that are like “so when are you gonna have kids” as their offspring set fire to the dog or something. This is a song about that.

If the lyrics strike your fancy, I’d love it if you considered pre-ordering my album on Bandcamp or iTunes or pre-save it to your Spotify account! Look for the official release on January 7, 2022!

Cool Kids/Lame Kids

How come it’s never people with the cool kids
Who ask you when you’re gonna have kids
It’s always people with the lame kids
Who ask you when you’re gonna have kids

I saw a friend at the grocery store
With a toddler and a baby in tow
The baby wouldn’t stop screaming
And the toddler dumped some paint on the floor

Which I thought was interesting
Because we weren’t at a store that sold paint
My friend asked if we were ready for kids
I said after today no we ain’t

It’s never people with the cool kids
Who ask you when you’re gonna have kids
It’s always people with the lame kids
Who ask you when you’re gonna have kids

I was sitting in my office on a Thursday afternoon
When a 5 year old came up to my desk
I thought it must belong to one of my coworkers
Must be take your kid to work day I guess

Well the kid just stood and stared without blinking
With one finger digging deep up her nose
That’s when her dad asked if I wanted kids someday
I said No while she wiped boogers on my clothes

It’s never people with the cool kids
Who ask you when you’re gonna have kids
It’s always people with the lame kids
Who ask you when you’re gonna have kids

Some people say kids make their lives better
They say that family holds society together
But every time they say it it sounds like a lie
They can never seem to look at you straight in the eyes
They’re starting to crack, they haven’t slept in nights
They’re a prisoner in their own home and they’re dying inside

Dying inside
Dying inside
Dying, dying
Dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead

My mom and dad wanna be grandparents
They keep asking what’s taking so long
It’s kinda weird that my parents keep asking
When my wife and I are gonna get it on

I told them I don’t know if we’ll have kids
’Cause I’m afraid of how they’ll turn out to be
And plus look at what a mess I am
After the two of you parented me

It’s never people with the cool kids
Who ask you when you’re gonna have kids
It’s always people with the lame kids
Who ask you when you’re gonna have kids

It’s never people with the cool kids
Who ask you when you’re gonna have kids
It’s always people with the lame kids
Who ask you when you’re gonna have kids

Hailing from New Hampshire and living in New York City, Kevin Froleiks is a failed stand-up comedian turned failing musician. His music tends to jump from genre to genre in ways that are disorienting and hard to market effectively. He is a true DIY artist, recording and producing his music entirely in his bedroom. He is the writer and composer of the forthcoming Vampire’s Kiss: The Musical as well as the co-writer and composer of Great Frontier: A Poorly Researched Musical About Lewis And Clark which premiered at the New York Theatre Fest in the summer of 2017. His newest album, Homemade Nonsense, comes out on January 7th on Bandcamp and all streaming services.